10.12.22 - ADHD & Getting Overwhelmed

     This morning has started off pretty good so far, but currently, I'm running into a common struggle - burnout from getting overwhelmed.  

    With this in mind, I began asking myself why I feel overwhelmed, and it didn't take long to realize why.

    I have to take a shower and get ready, as we all do, but before I can do that, I feel like there are so many steps before I can get there: 

1. Get clean clothes out of my pile of clean laundry on my bed.  But if I'm going to do that, I might as well/should put away the rest of my laundry, which, to an ADHD brain, would be steps 2 & 3.  
   
   
2. Clean out the litterbox & sweep.  ADHD can also be intertwined with OCD habits, and one of mine is that certain things have to be done a certain way or else I'll feel I'm not clean.  So, my cat Stormy's litterbox needs to be cleaned out, but I have to do that before I shower or, as I said, I'll feel dirty and gross and kind of overwhelmed/insecure after.  But cleaning the litterbox isn't just one step.  It's getting a trash bag (step 4), scooping it out (5), sweeping the floor so it's clean of litter (6), taking the bag outside to the trashcan so it doesn't stink up the house (7), and washing my hands thoroughly (I'm working on not washing my hands in sets of 3 - one wash just doesn't feel like it's enough, so that takes mental energy to tell myself just to count or sing the ABCs twice before rinsing and drying my hands) (8). 
   
   
3. Shower & get ready.  But, that isn't so easy or simple either.  My grandma recently injured her spine and needs a shower bench, and so she's at my mom's and they got one that has to be moved in and out of the shower each time, plus her situation requires her to use about 3 towels (I'm very understanding of her and have no stress or ill-will towards the situation; this is just context for following steps).  This creates the next steps, (8) see if there is a clean towel to use and get it, (9) move the shower bench, shower (10 scrub thoroughly, 11 shampoo hair, 12 condition, 13 shave, 14 clean out hair from the catcher in the drain - disgusting!!!!! - 15 dry off and wrap in towel or partially dress), then I (16) make sure the floor isn't wet so it's not dangerous for grandma, (17) put the shower bench back in place.  Now that I've done those things, I can (18) get dressed, (19) hang up my towel in a place it won't get mistaken for my mom's or grandma's, (20) brush my hair, (21) get fixated on the fact that I need my hair colored SO BAD because I started to get gray hairs when I was around 18/19 and over the past two years, it's progressed quite a bit (this is a result of having hypothyroidism, lacking vitamin B, stress, and heredity from my mother's side); this results in great anxiety, embarrassment, and feeling overwhelmed at the thought of all of the steps it will take to set up the appointment and get there.  Wow, writing all of this is really therapeutic and exhausting. (22) decide what to do with my hair, (23) style my hair (depending on how stressed I am, this can either be throwing my hair in a clip as one step, or adding 3+ additional steps), (24 & 25) if I haven't already brushed and flossed my teeth after getting up this morning, do that here, (26 & 27) stare at myself and pick at my face because I'm stressed before putting on makeup lol, (28) I forgot to add earlier that before showering, there's the whole ordeal of picking out clothes which has been a nightmare lately because I've been hyper fixating on my weight and how I need to have a healthier lifestyle which, yeah, anyway, that leads to another whole train of thought and being overwhelmed and thinking of all the steps that are involved in that... Anyway, (29) get socks on, (30) make sure my backpack is packed with everything I'll need for my university classes that day - books, notebooks, keys, wallet, etc.
   
   
4. Eat breakfast - (31) choose what to make, (32) make it, (33) clean up after.
   
   
5. Morning religious studies - (34) sit somewhere I won't get too tired, (35) get out all needed materials (scriptures/phone with app on it, specific notebook dedicated to my religious studies, working writing utensil), (36) use all the willpower I can to "get in the zone" where I won't be distracted and daydreaming/mind wandering is less likely to occur. 
   
   
6. Begin To-Do list (37).
   
   
   

    I understand that this is all kind of hilariously outrageous, but this is the process my mind goes through every day/moment.  It doesn't see 6 simple steps, it sees 37 ways my day can go wrong by forgetting something.  37 ways my morning energy has to be divided (energy that's draining by the second).

    Honestly, I've never processed my morning routine like this before.  I've always just known it's overwhelming and stressful and takes so much time and energy.  

    I guess I should give myself more slack and not see myself as such a failure for feeling like getting ready each day is the beginning of an existential crisis haha.  

    Something helpful involving this topic came from an Instagram post by @currentadhdcoaching, who, I'm sure you can guess by their handle is an ADHD coach, shared that transitions (task switching) can be very difficult for the ADHD brain, but by recognizing you're in transition, naming what's happening, and planning ahead bit by bit, you'll find yourself transitioning smoother with time and feeling much less overwhelmed.

    I'm sure you need to give yourself more love and kindness throughout the process too.  What does your morning routine look like?

    

    Hang in there; you got this, kid.