Being an adult and looking back on the situation with my best friend, I'm a lot more understanding of and somewhat sympathetic to her actions, and it helped me to learn a lot of things. But, like I said, I've been hyper-focused on someone now, and it's been one of the most difficult emotional rollercoasters I've had in a while.
When we met, this person was just the new kid who was kinda awkward and weird, but really kind and funny. I would help them with tasks and teach them what they needed to learn so the others in our establishment could do their work, and it was just "whatever."
I had been given twice the workload, and with training, it felt more like I'd been given four times the work, but new kid was a quick learner, had a good skill set, and we liked a lot of the same things, so it wasn't so bad and I just focused on making sure neither of us crashed and burned.
Little by little, I started to see a lot of myself in new kid. They were great with people and progressed quickly, but inside they were overly critical of themselves and unsure. I did all I could to compliment them and make the work environment less stressful. I wanted them to see how well they were doing. I didn't want to keep seeing new kid beat themself up over all of the silly little things. I didn't want new kid to be like me.
The two of us became pretty quick buddies, laughing and joking all day at work, having random conversations, listening to music we both liked, and so on. Even though I was stressed out of my mind, I had never had so much fun at a job in my life, or with another person.
I was in denial for a long time, but I had become attached to new kid, and slowly, I realized that new kid was the reason I looked forward to each day. Even when new kid really pissed me off a few times, they have this horribly annoying, perfected skill of giving such a sad look in those big eyes while asking for forgiveness that I cannot stay mad at them. I remember when they first pulled that on me. I have never been so quickly defused in my life.
Then, my life began changing dramatically. One of my doctors significantly decreased the dosage of my thyroid medication, I had just recently started ADHD meds before that, months that are anniversaries of deaths and other trauma that's happened to me rolled around, I was looking for a new apartment because rent was about to go up $200/month on top of other inflation costs, family struggles, I was quitting my job to go back to university, and so much more.
Because new kid and I had so much fun at work and had so much in common, it was a steady, somewhat consistent way my brain had been getting dopamine, and with all of the stressful changes, my mind just clung to that for dear life (I don't want you to think that new kid is just a dopamine machine or something that I "use." I consider them as a dear friend, I'm just trying to explain the "why" behind the ADHD hyper-focus occurring on a scientific level). When I no longer saw new kid every day, I crashed hard. We would text and email, but it wasn't the same as actual human interaction, so I was often left still feeling lonely, missing new kid, and depressed. That's when I began to realize I had a problem and something wasn't right.
Over and over, I'd catch myself checking my phone, hoping that new kid had messaged me. Every time I got a notification, I would check to see if it was from them. I would message them throughout the day, and sometimes it would feel almost maddening when they wouldn't message back or would leave messages unread. It also didn't help that new kid is super inconsistent with communication. They'll sometimes want to call and talk for a while or want to hang out or won't message me at all.
I would tell myself that I needed to be logical. They were at work or busy living life and I needed to focus in class, on my studies, and on my homework. I would ruminate and wonder (even sometimes still) if they hate me or if I annoy them or message them too much or whatever else. I would see messages from other friends and family and be disappointed or, sadly, sometimes even annoyed that it wasn't new kid.
As I began to adjust to the medication changes and my other stressors began to diminish, I could see with more clarity how sick I'd become. I felt (and still feel) so much embarrassment, shame, and fear. I knew that I had to do something to pull myself out of this hyper-focus. I didn't want to feel that way, and more than anything, I didn't want my clinginess to push new kid away.
So, I began the search for other things that could occupy my mind and heart during slow parts of the day, class, or when I needed a break from assignments, and it's taken a lot of time and effort. A new comic I've been reading on an app called Webtoon is what really broke my hyper-focus on new kid, because now I'm hyper-focused on that. Sometimes I still feel like I wish I could just sit at my old desk and spend all day by new kid, but it's getting much more manageable. I'm hoping that the burnout will happen soon from that hyper-focus so it won't be so hard to continually replace, and I can reestablish a healthy relationship with new kid. Still, although I'm sure they've felt smothered at times, I hope that I didn't realize too late what was happening so that I can still be good friends with them.
So, if you're like me and going through a painful hyper-focus, remember to hang in there; you got this, kid. We'll get through this, and if you have any personal experiences or ways you've overcome your own hyper-focus, comment below.
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